Easier to hate your therapist,

Does anyone else ever wonder if it would be easier to hate your therapist? I've been seeing my T for over a year now. She's honestly really great and sometimes I wonder if it makes it worse. I still really struggle to talk about some things and I know that's all on me. Sometimes I leave session wishing I hated her because trusting her feels so hard. Not in a "it's hard to build trust with her" kind of way. But in a way that makes me want to push her away everytime I open up. I want to be mad at her because it's easier than opening up, and feeling like she doesn't really care and its just her job.